New-Dimensional Reality – Vol. 4
The reason a husband and his wife keep quarreling.
There is a moment when a happy conversation suddenly turns hostile and a husband and his wife get angry. During the argument, one may bring up an old story or point out the others’ weakness.
Husband: “You always do or say such and such!” Wife: “How dare you talk to me like that!” And the fire spark of anger keeps growing… Most likely, the topic that started the fight is totally lost during the argument… The fight continues until one gives up or suppresses their feelings, or, in the worst case, getting a divorce. Why does the fighting continue, no matter how much they work on the relationship or modify their behavior that causes such conflicts? The answer is that the cause of the conflict is not coming from where they think it is! Issues such as money, children or different values may seem to cause fights but they are not the true cause.
Today’s story is about a husband and a wife who figured out the source of their anger and discovered the true cause by using Miross. One day, they dined out and were enjoying delicious dishes and drinks. After a drink or two, the husband felt good and started talking about his own philosophy. At first, the wife enjoyed his talk, but at one point she interrupted him, saying, “Well, my opinion is….” That made him upset instantly and he got angry at her for interrupting him But the wife could not understand why he was angry, and so she got angry at him because she felt it was not fair of him to not listen to her and that it was not reasonable to be blamed like that.
Then the wife became silent and the husband kept being angry, their enjoyable dinner together was totally ruined. On their way home, they still kept blaming each other in their minds. Husband: “She does not listen to me properly.” Wife: “He never listens to me.” Do you realize that their statements are exactly the same? They blame each other, but they do exactly what they accuse the other of.
Now what is the true reason for the quarrel? The answer is not the behavior that one or the other does not listen. It is seated in “what they feel deep inside their heart”. “S/he did not accept me.” “S/he rejected me”. These are the reasons they feel surge of anger.
That feeling was what they felt towards their parents when they were young. It means that the cause of the fight is very old emotion, and it is triggered by the other person who touched that old pain, which in turn provokes anger. When you understand anger by applying the Miross system, the deep-seated emotion becomes visible.
The reason for the fight was “the same old pain”. When they realized that both of them just wanted to “be understood or acknowledged”, they burst into laugher because they understood that they were too serious on such a simple matter. Moreover, they found out through Miross that even old pain is not the wound. After the emotion was safely eliminated, they almost never fought. And they became able to accept their feelings without resistance, started trusting more easily, and transformed into a happy couple!